is it May, already?

super minimalistic music video for the band called Fortune Cookies Blues

Storytelling takes time when you want to do things properly. I want to do things properly, it's in my blood. When I don't, I get a bad conscious snarling at me and making my blood flow slower than it should and it's a feeling i would like to avoid on all costs. What i'm saying is: i'm saying I haven't had proper time to sit and tell you with straight sincerity how things are in my life.
Strange times, strange year. Year of changes and losses and finds. New beginnings, yet again, forces that make you adjust to things you weren't actually ready to adjust to but then again, there is no main rehearsal for life, it's one long premiere.
Most of the time I feel really blessed for being able to live the way I do and do things daily for living that I would do anyway. I look at my hands and smile as i thank them for everything they do for me. They're my most cherished servants. Some days are hard for being away and separate. I try to adjust myself to that as well, I try. Some days I'm just not trying hard enough and then my hands get cold and and a veil of shadows floats around my head. Some days are different, they're overwhelming, really. In a best way you could imagine.
I'm still working on the animation project, hopefully I will be finished in these next two months because there are other projects eagerly waiting for their turn!

Please be well and content, my reader.

This is personal. But then again, what isn't that you let run through yourself, shape it and then place the result on a table in front of you. Look at it, don't you see your self? Do you like what you see? If you don't then there are things you have to work on and I have, oh I have. By now, I like what I see in front of me. I'm pleased, thank you.
There are days when I go to bed wearing soft eyes and memories of a day as a make up. There are nights when I go to bed excited. There are days and nights. And nights.
You're found when you're ready. I realised that during this year. I was ready. I am, and things keep finding me, for that I am so grateful. This year has made me grow humble and master the art of staying in present in a healthy way. Have you noticed how we always try to either live in the future or in the past but rarely in the present. We are so determined to be somewhere else and be someone else that we close our eyes to what we actually have and who we are. It's ironic that we have to teach ourselves to do that. Give yourself a little time and see what you have managed to achieve. It's not a small amount.  You should be proud of yourself. You should take that and use what you have to grow further. That's the real art of living.
Thank you for reading this, I wish you opportunities that you recognise and I wish you luck. Nothing ever happens without luck. Luck and hard work.

it's snowing

Let’s get one thing straight, snow. I will never be welcoming you with open arms, or, rather, I won’t be welcoming you at all. Even more so, when you come over and flash your cold shiny teeth at me it fills me with terror and freezes my heart. I don’t know what to do with you. You’re the cold version of king Midas. You scare me. Whole autumn I hold my breath, I savor the scents and save the colours on my heartdrive and then you come and start erasing everything. You take me apart, piece by piece, brushing over my every memory with your white dust so I would forget what it’s like to...to not endure.

I know, people who live in warm climates over romanticise you. When you fall, it’s considered to be romantic and beautiful. They don’t know how you kill everything, slowly. They don’t need triple cardigans and feather jackets just to survive when you’ve taken over. They don’t know your true colours. The colours of nothingness. The void.

I wish I’d never met you.

(not) yours,

  me

three things.

Some things I want to say. I want to say in here. Some things. Thing one: I'm on a journey. On a journey of losing lots of layers and discovering new ones to add. On a journey from outside in. I want to like that, indoors of me. I haven't for too long a time to remember, with it's shabby worn out wallpapers and soggy rugs it has cost me embarrassment and shame. What a shame. So. I'm redecorating and rebuilding. Renovating my inner self. It feels good. I feel good.  Thing two: I'm not doing it alone. I'm doing it with love and trust. I'm doing it with being in awe. I'm doing it with being proud. Third thing: I'm enjoying reading again. Reading words. Words absorb through my skin and mingle with blood cells.  I'm being carried away with the feelings in between lines, they're packed with colours and vibes. Colours, millions of colours. My fingers and tongue have a coat of colour when I put down my book. I'm grateful for this time.

Happy New Year!

I must say, the year 2011 started quite amazingly for me and exceeded all the expectations. Bliss.
I'm not going to look back to last year and list all the changes and achievements, I don't see any point in that, I'd much rather look ahead and set my goals for this coming one. I've got loads of interesting projects and ideas I want to realise. Yesterday I got an unexpected call from one of Estonian's most innovative animators asking me if I'd like to work with him in his new film...so...if things like these happen already on 3rd day of January then who knows where I end up by the end of this year.
Fingers crossed!

stones are on the roll...

It's already December and so much have happened since I last wrote here that I honestly just don't know where to start from.
Let's see...
I've moved appartments; changed my life (or status at least); published a book; got mentioned in the biggest local paper in an article about outstanding national design: sold out my edition of Christmas cards, twice; made a Christmas calendar that became a roaring hit; took part of two design fairs with a fair amount of success; had a mini vacation that I so very much needed and I'm finishing up a video for a band I love...

Here are some images from my new book. It's called "Not entirely brown". It probably won't make any sense before you read the story behind it in a book. So if you want to know what it means....*ahem*
Hereby I'd also like to thank them lovely girls from Atembooks for making it incredibly easy as an artist to work with them. It's been an utter pleasure. 

if you love holidays, don't read.

Where I happen to live, November is the only month that seems to stand absolutely still. It's subtle stagnation does my head in, it eats me slowly but determinately and the prospect of it leading to the worst commercial bombarding of the year doesn't help. "Christmas is the time of goodwill and giving" has always been a confusing statement to me, does it mean that the rest of the year isn't? 
It's the same thing with Valentines day. You HAVE to send your pals cards with hearts and x's on them and if you don't you're neglecting them. What about the rest of the year I've been there for them? It doesn't count because it's that one day that really matters. Doesn't it sound exactly like "Pavlov's dog"? In the desperate need for belonging somewhere and *blending* in to society we are just following the patterns and customs without questioning them. We're sitting by the table, eating traditional foods at Christmas because that's how it's "always done". We try to disguise it with "coming together and being with the ones you love" and in some cases it could even be true, for the people who are away working or studying and are coming home for Christmas but it still doesn't palliate the complete lack of interest towards the people around you for the rest of the year. It's becoming more and more like a computer game. The less thinking involved, the better.

That was a rant of a misanthrope. I think my problem is the inability to relate to traditions and mass hypnosis. Holidays are just a form of mass hypnosis to me, you dress in a costume for Halloween and that automatically makes you alright. It's just the core and that's how far we are willing to go. If the core's right, you're alright. But if you are ignoring it, if you're not able to relate even the least, you're an oddball. If you'd much rather draw at your desk or read a book or don't want to open the door to a posse of kids dressed as zombies then there's apparently something wrong with you. Your fault is the will to think and to analyze. Sadly, both of those are the acts of a vagabond in the current society.